Sex … Did You Send Me A Calendar Invite?

feat-couple-56Sex. It used to be this spontaneous and fun thing you used to do. Sometimes it happened in random places on random nights (maybe even with random people). The sole purpose was simple pleasure. Getting pregnant was the furthest thing from your mind. In fact, you were probably doing everything you thought possible to NOT get pregnant (ironic, huh … if your older self could talk to your younger self and say, no worries … pretty fat chance it’s going to happen that old fashioned way).

And then you and your partner decided to try for a baby. So your spontaneous sex became regimented and planned based on your menstrual cycle. For the first few months it was still fun, right? You had high hopes that you’ll have some fun in the sack and boom…you’re preggers. But then when the weeks turn into months and you’re still trying and waiting the fun is zapped from the equation. Sex is no longer a thing of primal pleasure but rather an act of duty. It has to be scheduled based on your ovulation calendar. And maybe that isn’t even regular.

So then you’re scheduling sex from days 9-16 of your cycle with a hope and prayers that that might work. Your friend told you that she got pregnant by having sex every other day for a month. But your doctor said to not have sex that often because you want the sperm to be their strongest. UGH! So many different points of view!!! You might not even care about your own sexual pleasure at this point … You just want to ensure that it “works”, that there is a “deposit” made and then you can lay there (perhaps with your legs up) for about 10 minutes praying that this is THE time it works. But then more weeks and months pass and you eventually realize you need some serious medical intervention. This plan of yours just isn’t working.

Hopefully one day you become pregnant – either with the help of science, prayer and/or luck and perhaps you might return to your old sex life. Perhaps you might not (for fear of messing with that precious gift you’ve finally received). And 9 months later when you eventually have that baby, sex is THE FURTHEST thing from your mind again. Doctors orders, right 🙂

This is all pretty depressing right? Sex is supposed to be a great and pleasurable thing that hopefully we all have more of rather than less. I promise you that your sex life will come back post your infertility drama … it might take time to get your mojo back and connect again with your partner. (I mean, you do have a child at home so free time is a precious commodity). But you will get there. And when you do hopefully you feel like this.

2 thoughts on “Sex … Did You Send Me A Calendar Invite?

  1. Ugh, preach it sister!! I try so hard to make it SEEM spontaneous even when it’s not for my hubby’s sake… maybe then at least one of us will be relaxed about it! It’s so hard!

  2. One of the many side effects of IF, this is the one that I lament the most often! Ugh..

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